For Your Roommate the Unicorn

The Self Help Bookshop

The Book of Imaginary Beings
Your roommate the unicorn can be a tiresome conversationalist. His pretentious discourses on Schopenhauer are a real downer at the bar, but you know he's just trying to impress the ladies. Help him out with Borges' coffeehouse-appropriate mini-encyclopedia. He might even learn something about himself.
Self-interest: You've witnessed enough late nights with his bottle of scotch to know that the "lack of temperance" Borges quotes Leonardo da Vinci attributing to the unicorn is no joke. Maybe this will remind him to be a bit more cautious with the bottle.
$16. Joseph Fox Bookshop, 1724 Sansom St. foxbookshop.com
Oatmeal-Raisin Cookies
Ever since your roommate the unicorn started crushing on that vegan barista at the coffee shop around the corner, he's been talking about wanting to improve his diet. This health kick hasn't made it much further than a token carton of rice milk in your fridge, but you can give him a tasty little push with a dozen cookies. Vegan, glutenfree and free of highly processed additives, your roommate the unicorn can gorge himself on these oats, and maybe bring one over to that barista.
Self-interest: With his diet of ice cream and Cheetos, your roommate the unicorn can wreak unspeakable havoc on your apartment's unrenovated plumbing system. Help him solve his digestive troubles and you'll really be helping yourself.
$13.75/dozen. Sweet Freedom Bakery 1424 South St. sweetfreedom.bakery.com
Ultra Paws Traction Dog Boots, XL
Expect things to get a little chilly when you agree to keep the thermostat at 6o to cut down on expenses. It's hard for unicorns to keep shearling slippers on their hooves, so buy him a pair of XL dog boots. Understated in black fleece, they'll keep his hooves warm and him happy. And if this winter sees anything like last years snow, he'll appreciate the added traction of these indooroutdoor boots when he has to head out to the bodega.
Self-interest: Four gold hooves make a hell of a racket on the wood floors of your walk-up (not to mention what they're probably doing to your security deposit); these will muffle the clomping.
$13.99 Doogie Style, 1700 E. Possyunk Ave. (various locations) doggiestyle2.com
Tickets to the Unicorn Tapestries
Maybe it's the species divide, but your roommate the unicorn doesn't get what's so scary about that Saw franchise everyone's always yammering on about. Give him a chance to experience the fun of a good scare with tickets to the Cloisters, part of New York's Metropolitan Museum of Art. Among other medieval masterpieces, there's some famous and terrifying (if you're a unicorn) sequential art- the seven Unicorn Tapestries narrate the hunt of a unicorn, ending with its gruesome death. Although 15th-century special effects may not compare with today's 3-D corpse showers, your roommate the unicorn will be properly chilled by man's inhumanity to, well, unicorns.
Self-interest: A trip to New York for your roommate the unicorn means you get the apartment to yourself for once.
$20. The Cloisters, 99 Margaret Corbin Drive, Fort Tryon Park. New York City metmuseum.org